Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
