Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
