walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
