She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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