Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
