Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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