Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
