i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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