Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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