wanna go halves on a baby?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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