What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
