Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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