2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize