If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
