While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
