Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
zippers are such a cool invention
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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