Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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