i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
