dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
