it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
