You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
