fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
