Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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