I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Randomize
