New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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