Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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