i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
