Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
