Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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