What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
