Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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