Can I ask u a weird question?
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment