My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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