remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
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IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
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My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...