I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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