You work out of a Hotel?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever