I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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