The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Panties = found
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
