You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
