I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
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Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
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Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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