U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
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she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
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I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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