We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
