Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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