for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
