It's like God shit irony all over that family
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
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