im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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