Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
