At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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