im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
