we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
