you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
