If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
