are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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