Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
there is puke in my bra ... again
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