One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
