If i come over, it means nothing
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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