i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Ladies don't puke and tell
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