I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
