Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
