I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
