I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
