I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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