she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
