i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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