its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
