3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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