can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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