I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
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It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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