I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
