Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
