You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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