I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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