Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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