Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
