I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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