wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
