i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
