I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
