Already got asked if we're dating
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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