I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
