She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
