I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
