remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
