guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
