Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
