Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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