It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
