So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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